Michael Phelps, the Olympic medal winner not only said, “Yes I did” to smoking pot, he also said, “I am sorry” and about the public controversy, “This is tough.” Comes at the same time President Obama said, “I screwed up” when talking about standing behind several of his cabinet choices. This is a far cry from Bill Clinton’s, “I never inhaled”, Rob Blagojevich’s “Did nothing wrong” or recently past Vice President Cheney’s variation of “We did good!”
Deniers pretend that problems and uncomfortable situations don’t exist. They are fearful of looking at themselves too closely and have a major need to look good no matter what. In landmark studies about death and dying, psychiatrist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross concluded that the first step towards coming to grips with a loved one’s, or one’s own mortality, is to deny the truth, then proceed to anger, bargaining and eventually acceptance. Some people become trapped in this early emotional stage and denial becomes their entire world. Deniers become “Not-Sees.”
Working with deniers is espeically difficult because they hold up innovation and creative solutions to problems. Denial is one of the most pernicious patterns to address and its destructive face is readily obvious in today’s business climate. Yet, here is the good news: when deniers can transform their malfunctioning behavior to its healthy opposite they become trust builders. It only takes three words to begin the march toward health. So let’s applaud the trust builders who are looking difficult situations in the face and not burying them deep underground. These are the role models who give all of us the courage to say “Yes I did”, “I screwed up”, “I own it” and “I was wrong.”
Maybe the good from these difficult days is the opportunity to peel away old defensive patterns and find more constructive ways of working together.
No matter one’s affiliation politically or professionally, it is refreshing to see and hear of the (to-date rare) individual(s) who are willing to admit when they have transgressed or erred rather than parse the details to direct ownership of unbecoming behavior or personal/professional choices to others. Rest assured that the great majority of the “masses” see through the puffery of those that try to fool all of the people all of the time, etc. and can tell the genuine article from the poorly crafted facsimile. Both Michael Phelps and President Obama have proving they are “men”, adults or true persons of character – take your pick. Admittedly, they are still a work in process, as are we all. Would that more in positions of influence would head the example. Will those those in Congress, Wall Street, Industry, Main Street, on your street and my street heed the example? Once We The People set high expectations of those in positions of authority in all walks of life, we will again be surrounded by individuals of integrity and with a true sense of positive purpose. Go forth and spread the word – the whole world is watching.
I am proud to say that I have never been among the ranks of deniers. I have never hesitated to say, “You are wrong,” or “It’s your fault.”
I always tell my kids to just own up to anything they did wrong as they should show they can admit where they failed to do the right thing and part of the process is coming clean.
