We can thank Tiger Woods, John Edwards, and all the other guys who have been looking for love in all the wrong places. Or, have they?
Relationships are the most complex, most confusing, and most important part of what it means to be a human being. I am hoping that we have finally hit the wall looking at relationships through a superficial, selfish lens. Perhaps we can begin to look at what really matters in this interesting teen-decade of the century.
Think about it for a minute. When you were thirteen through nineteen, what were you looking for? What happened when hormones kicked in on a Saturday night at a high school or college party? Did the song “Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?” play through your head the next day?
All relationships are based on interactions; they are a two or three or four party dynamic. And yet, even now with all the new research about the social aspects of the brain, about how we all connect with and change each other, there is still too much focus on the individual as the source and end point of relationships.
It just is not so! Tiger Woods behaved badly, most of us can agree on that. However, he did not do this in a vacuum. I don’t want to judge his wife, yet with my background as a family and marriage therapist, I know she was not an innocent bystander in the situation. There is always another side to tell, or as commentator Paul Harvey used to say “Now, the rest of the story”.
Perhaps it is finally time to teach our kids about how systems operate, about how interactions cause ripples and impact even future generations. In “Don’t Bring It to Work” there is a chart that can be quite helpful to understand yourself, as well as the other key people in your life. It is called a Sankofa Map and if you follow the instructions, you can chart how behavior patterns developed, and the part you play to make situations work well or fall apart.
Maybe this is the time to become accountable, tell the truth and really look at what we want and is fair to ask from each other. We can all redo our teens in this and the next years and maybe, just maybe, we can begin to take the essence of relationships to a new, more healthy and responsible level. And Tiger, John, et al., that includes you!
I am quite concern with this thing that all relationship based on attraction. The matter of Tiger woods depends on this theory.
As far as my concern we should always be frank with our children on such topics. because when they feel that we are strict and don’t like on converse such topic then the children don’t rely the parents and always try to hide such things which is not good. I would like to say that the parents should be interact with the child’s as a friend.
It means with the help of this chart we can analyze our self that what we want from others. It seems very effective.
Perfect relationships are too good to be true, and there will always be quarrels and arguments between couples, but what we should know is how to handle and overcome the situation so that our relationship will be more stronger and harmonious.
Yeah, I am currently in a relationship and I hate it, but yet can’t seem to leave it. Why is that? Romantic relationships to me are the most agonizing and painful things I have ever felt in my whole life. Confusing, and difficult, amen.
Interesting that you are all going through the same things. But great that you have have found a way to talk and deal with the issues that you are all going through. I think that often when we talk about things we discover ways of solving problem that we would not otherwise know exist.
Relations are all the world we have, no doubt, even the land, sand, country, city, everything has a relationship with us, is’nt it? And iger, John, et al., that is going to includes us!
Further, each relationship has its own type of complexities, still at least I believe that perhaps relationshipship complexities makes the relationship more vast. Is’nt it, and john et.al is going to include us.
i think this type of problem are common in family where both man and woman are working so they unable to maintain there relationship due to stress and work load, so i advice that they need to think about how to manage this things otherwise the result would be divorce only. keep it up
I don’t know what Tiger Woods’ wife would think if she read this. You’re blaming her (partly) when you don’t even know the situation. It doesn’t always work the way the therapist think. You can’t just generalise and apply it to every situation.
.-= Sam @ Family Law ´s last blog ..Family Law in Partnership Blog endorsed by Delia Venables =-.
Relationships can be incredibly complicated and bring a lot of confusion into the lives of both children and adults. I feel some sympathy for Tiger Woods but much more for his family. Not only are his children having their parents go though a divorce, but they are also paraded around in all of the magazines for the whole world to see.
Relationship is a true bond of love between two individuals.We can make this bond strong by our strong and full devotion towards this bond.
Thanks for mentioning Tiger and John at the end there! I just wrote a couple of blog posts on my New York divorce attorney blog about those two characters myself. Thanks.
.-= David@NY Divorce Lawyer´s last blog ..New York Uncontested Divorce: NY Times Says Its Less Harmfull to Those Involved, Especially Children =-.
Our life with our loved one is a long journey. Like any road it changes as we travel. It has ups and downs, hard parts and easy parts, sometimes beautiful and sometimes unattractive, at times boring and at times exciting. Through it all we treat our best beloved with love and respect, over and over letting things go, and in so doing we gain dignity for ourselves.
Relationships are initially based on attraction but they should find something deeper as time goes on. A great wedding speech I heard once was “may today be the day you two love each other the least”. I think it’s a fantastic mentality to have, ever growing love.
It’s a real shame that people can’t respect themselves and others enough to tak a vow seriously.
If they did, I would have to practice corporate law.
The headline in itself demands opening…But as you read on it really hits home with what I have been talking to my teen kids about. Every time you turn on the television their is a story of an icon (like Tiger Woods) that has set an example of sex. Its on the magazine covers, television, and the media. Our kids are exposed to it at a young age.
It takes talking, and talking, and talking some more even when they don’t want to. Somewhere right choices are not being exposed as much as the bad choices.
It’s the job of parents and communities to try to set the right example.
Thanks for making people aware. It was a great post..one I hope Tiger Woods And Mr Edwards see!
It’s amazing how little people talk to one another in relationships. They’ll release their frustrations over tiny details and completely side step everything that’s important. A man or woman who cheats is taking the easy way because if they just talk out their frustrations with their partner they may be giving the relationship a chance.
Relations are never simple and that makes them last. Going through rough times together can only make a relationship stronger or prove that it was superficial if it doesn’t last. I don’t think that there can be lessons about relationships because they can be so diverse and different. But the guidelines you provided are a good start.
I don’t think that there can ever be a ‘Perfect’ relationship, one that requires no work and communication never breaks down. However, if couples are prepared to speak honestly and openly to thier partner then most minor issues will not have the chance to develop into massive marriage destroying issues.
.-= Dave@divorce advice for men´s last blog ..Divorce Advice For Men =-.
Every time you turn on the television their is a story of an icon that has set an example of sex. Its on the magazine covers, television, and the media. Our kids are exposed to it at a young age.
Each relationship has its own type of complexities and this is the real test of the bondness between the Looking for further discussion.
Thanks for sharing.
.-= Ankit@jordan sneaker´s last blog ..Nike Air Max 90 – Screened Carbon Fiber / Charcoal Toned =-.
Excellent post, thanks so much for sharing… anything relationship is related to everyone so it’s good that this kind of material is shared!
Tiger is a special case because so many of us hero-worshipped him, and he’s a celebrity, and for most couples, these factors don’t have to be taken into account. It’s so important to keep talking, to keep the lines of communication open, because in the long run, all we have is each other. If a couple really wants a relationship to work, they need to have the basic skills and trust that comes with long talking about real feelings…and with Tiger, his odd situation prevents that from happening.
I agree that many people today perception of love and relationship are all wrong. People do not realize a real relationship is about friendship and not stroking each other ego or a sense of self entitlement. I noticed that with successful men and they feel they’re entitle to “cheating” because they work so hard to be where they are at. It’s a very childish way of looking at it.
I think a lot of people rush into relationships. They end up being the boyfriend or girlfriend of someone they really don’t know. They don’t give themselves time to get to know the other person properly, to see what kind of person they are and if they’re the right fit. You should never learn anything about someone after you’ve married them.
My issue was many times I would find myself moving from relationship to relationship but the person I would be dating would have similar traits as the previous person. I become more selective and stepping outside what I felt comfortable with seemed to make me happier.
I really do not think that love and relationships are that complex and complicated. It is us human beings that makes it complicated
I look at humans as dual beings: we have emotional and physical needs. I don’t always think in black and white when it comes to affairs, though it’s of course almost always wrong. Our mental side struggles to control the physical side. Unfortunately, some of us lose that battle.