Sandra Bullock and Jesse  James have put Tiger and the other philanderers on the back page. Soon their story will be replaced by another couple that can’t make it (i.e. the relationship) work.

Why are so many people obsessed with what happens when a partner derails and is caught in secrets and lies? What makes us look for the roadmap for relationships in the media? Are celebrities better equipped to handle the stresses and anxieties that plague all human beings at one time or another?

Obviously we all want to see how they will handle the stings and arrows of betrayal, deceit, and poor judgment. We idealize and we are disappointed. Tiger Woods looks so good in his golf shirt, the Nike swoosh somewhere on his attire. How, most of us wondered could he be such a cad!

Then we look at all American girl Sandra Bullock. She is certifiably gorgeous, my goodness, she’s also a great actress winning an Academy Award. How could she be so naïve to have her husband screwing around while she is working so hard?

Let’s peel this back a moment. My book in process is “Don’t Bring It to Love: Breaking the Family Patterns that Limit Intimacy”. It explores how easy it is to get trapped in old behavior patterns that were played out by our parents and are subtly handed to us like a fine set of china or a coat of arms.

In both Tiger Woods and Jesse James background there were fathers who had affairs when the sons were young. That does not forgive the son’s behavior. However, it needs to be factored in when there is a desire to understand rather than condemn these men.

Yet, what we do is side with the “victim” and judge the perpetrator. Not much new and positive can come from watching, judging, and voting. It is time to look past the superficial and find the way OUT of the hurtful behavior of deceit as we move more effectively through this new century.

The old pattern of avoiding and denying bad behavior in relationships is over. Women and men need to come together and look at partnership from a clear and responsible lens. Conflict resolution is only possible if both sides of the equation are considered. It is time to peel away the layers of the past where adultery was covertly accepted, look at the source, learn what is being played out from past generations and begin anew.