Stress O Meter
Stress and change are the most intimate of bedfellows. They feed on each other and can make days dark and depressing or exhilarating and enticing. We get to choose. But before we can choose, we need to peel back the layers and understand why change is such a complex force and how simple responses with one word can make all the difference..
In our leadership development program, “Total Leadership Connections” we talk about the power of language. What we say, how we say it, the tonality of one’s voice all play a part in how we get our points across. It’s really simple, the better you are understood and your wants and needs are met, the lower the stress-o-meter.
Two of the most basic words in our vocabulary, ones that start our language motor when we are infants can induce or diminish stress quickly and easily. Let’s start with “no”.
1. No belongs first and foremost to the terrible twos. It is primal, often among the first words that children from English speaking families practice with. And at its heart it means something like “I will decide” or “these are my boundaries” or “now I can get my own food so I won’t be beholden to anyone”.
No is a step into individuation. It is a word that forces us to discriminate. And when we are clear and say “no” and mean it stress is lowered. The pleaser has a tough time with the word “No” and often back pedals when they dare use this word as a grown up.
No is a complete sentence! When you have done your homework, made your decision and are clear that “No, this will not work for you” and you are comfortable with your choice almost all people will accept what you have said and paradoxically, their stress is also diminished. It sounds like “Ah, at least there is a decision.”
2. Then there is the happy word, yes. It sounds lighter and friendlier. It is a word that is thought to connect people, make situations happen. Yet, yes without honesty is an ugly thing. Pleasers and martyrs get lost in the yes. Martyrs who say yes, and they do this a lot, want to extract something from you. They may ask for your first born child, or the new car you just bought. They may want a raise or super bonus based on how many times they say yes throughout the year. And pleasers so often just keep plugging along with their smiley yes, however the quality of work suffers from exhaustion.
The third part of the language triangle will be discussed tomorrow with an exercise (majorly simple) that will help you practice safe stress and keep it in the zone. In the meantime, if you have not taken the pattern aware quiz, do so at www.sylvialafair.com and see which patterns are the ones that keep you stressed and sleepless. And, by the way, know that the test is free and that you can call for a consultation at no charge.
We are determined to do our part, to make this a “safe stress” country and then we all win!
