I met a woman at a conference I attended last week who was both beautiful and smart. I liked her instantly, until she started to talk and talk and talk….about herself. Not once did she ask me a question and I, the question asking queen of the planet, never even had an opportunity to ask her anything.

So, I sat at lunch mulling over the thought that women tend to talk more than men and I wondered if self-promotion is a natural tendency in women; after all we all do a subtle sales job to get our guys.

Now, not that there is anything wrong with promoting oneself; I actually think it is a healthy sign of positive ego strength.

Now, back to the meeting; that afternoon I found myself in a great conversation with the man sitting to my left. He was the proverbial tall, dark, and handsome. We were going back and forth in some fun banter when I asked an open ended curiosity question, “So, who are you when you are not working?”  It just popped out of my mouth. I was getting tired of people at the conference selling me their wares and talents as soon as we said hello to each other.

This man was talented and I was interested in the web based products he sold, yet, that question was a deal breaker. He began to wax lyrical about every place he had visited on the planet. It was getting stale right after he finished telling me about his trek on the Inca Trail in Peru.

Now, that should have been of interest since I had walked that very trail years ago and had some fun stories to share. Yet, I never opened my mouth. I must admit, I kept my distance for the rest of the day less I ended up in another unwanted travelogue.

So, I don’t really think self-promotion has a gender. It does however have to do with the ability to be in a dialogue rather than a monologue.

Listen to yourself next time you are at a party or at a meeting. Do you talk first or ask first? Do you listen to others or are you waiting to get in your advertisement for who you are and what you do?

I believe the most interesting among us ask first and they ask because they really want to know. That is the best way to establish rapport for a long term relationship. Then you can have all the bragging rights you want and others will listen. By the way, did you know I just won a second best business book of 2010 award from the Florida Publishers Association for “Don’t Bring It to Work”? Guess that was a bit of self-promotion. I’m trying it on for size. Let me know if it gave you a yeah or nay feeling as you were reading this blog. It always helps to learn what works and what doesn’t.