I was thinking about the word JOY and how it manifests in our lives.

What does it mean when someone brings you joy? How does it feel to be joyous?

Joy is often a bit of a surprise. You can’t force it and it comes when not expected. It’s impossible to sit and demand joy to be there. It is like the sun piercing through the clouds, or an unexpected visit from someone you love. It just happens.

Often when things are slow to come to fruition, we give up the idea that we can ever be joy-filled. In this world of instant gratification there is frustration when we do the work and then…… nothing happens.

Give yourself some time during this season of giving and receiving and think about what has taken time to mature, to show up, whether in material gain, in your emotional life or in in a heightened sense of your own well-being. When you can connect the dots from inception of an idea to the richness of seeing that idea in progress, you can take a moment and let the joy of creating come to you.

Know that all your hard work is in the process of bearing fruit and it will, all in its right season, so let it ripen.

Or maybe “Frosty the Snowman” runs through your mind and you hear the laughter and rustle of opening those special gifts on Christmas morning happy with a new iPad or soft, wooly sweater.

Perhaps it is the gentle strain of “Silent Night” that connects you with the compassion that comes for most of us on December 25.

Why not let those super good feelings course through you every day no matter what is going on around you?

Here are 5 ways to keep the perfect Christmas alive 365 days a year:

1. Take two minutes each morning when you awaken, before you even get out of bed and see the perfect Christmas in your mind’s eye. Start with thought of gifts, goodies and gratitude.
2. Refer to this perfect Christmas day at least once in each 24 hours, be it during the cold of winter, the rainy day of spring, the dreadfully stifling hot day in summer or the chilly day in autumn.
3. Once a week make a written plan on how to make your perfect Christmas day happen. Write down who you will invite to your party (this can change over the course of the year) or what you will eat or what your perfect tree would have on it.
4. Believe that this day, yes today, can have that Christmas magic.
5. End each day with a few thoughts about how you showed caring, creativity and compassion and make a promise to yourself to do more of the same tomorrow.

Think about it, what if each one of us practiced making Christmas live all year. What kind of a world would we have? Let’s give Christmas a chance to live in our minds and hearts. It is worth the few minutes of effort.

There would be less depression, less back-biting, less nastiness and more joy, kindness and appreciation. So, don’t just sit there, join the PERFECT Christmas EVERYDAY campaign and help light up the world.

Originally posted on examiner.com

My response to the HuffPost blog brought back tons of memories of my daughters walking around the house singing these songs when they were still in elementary school.

Do you have children or grandchildren or neighbors with children?

Get a copy and give a great gift for the holidays, one that will last a lifetime as it has for my now grown daughters.

“Free to Be… You and Me — Forty Years Later” by Marlo Thomas.

Originally posted on examiner.com

Click here for images of Kilauea.

By Saturday we were on a plane returning to San Francisco with our daughter, son-in-law and grandchildren. I am still thankful we had the opportunity to spend Thanksgiving in this magical place.

Hope your long weekend was nourishing both in food and fun!

The month of December is the most gossipy month of the year. Office parties often lead to smirky comments about partners, clothes, and crappy surprise gifts (the ones that no one is to spend more than $5.00 on).

Here is the antidote to the ugly side of the holiday stress. It is simple and yet not easy to do: BE KIND.

In the journal “Evolution and Behavior” there is a great study.  (Do we really need a study for what I am about to say?) Kind people are actually perceived as better looking than those who are rude – and it has nothing to do with perfect facial features.

Biologist David Sloan Wilson, PhD states that altruism is seen as an important trait and we are genetically programmed to see helpful and kind people as more appealing.

Not sure how to show kindness? Here are a few ideas:

1. Tell someone you like the tie, earrings, or coat they are wearing. We all like to be acknowledged for our appearance.
2. Call or email someone and let them know you like the way they spoke up in a meeting, or the great concepts in the latest report. We all want someone to give us a high-five for skill.
3. Send a card or candy (dark chocolate is really a great gift) and let someone know you are glad they are part of your life.
4. Same as above however, do so to someone you do not know very well. Take a risk and just appreciate the fact that your paths have crossed.
5. If all else fails, pay the toll or buy a cup of coffee for the person behind you in line. It really is a pattern interrupt and gives a good feeling to surprise someone you do not even know.

Happy holidays and happy kindness. It won’t take the stress out of the month of December. It will however, sweeten the days.

Right now we are in phase two: just getting a semblance of normalcy with the basics of food and shelter. The shock of loss competes with the relief of what is still safe and available. Neighbors reach out and help; there are collections for clothing and donations for rebuilding; concerts to gather both money and strength from each other.

What about the long term?

That is to be decided on an individual, as well as a collective level. The big question is how to navigate the turbulence that is part of the aftershock of change.

This is when becoming PatternAware is critical. How do YOU respond to change? Are you a Victim who runs to hide, a Martyr who overdoes and then complains, a Rebel who lashes out against “the establishment”, an Avoider who looks the other way, a Denier who refuses to see the past we are all playing in climate change issues.

This is a perfect time to face your old, outmoded behavior patterns and transform them into ones that are effective and needed in this world of constant change.

Take the PatternAware Quiz at www.sylvialafair.com and learn to make positive change happen rather than stay stuck in negative ways of responding. It’s about you, it’s about me, and it’s about time.

Brenda is also a wife, mother of three boys, ages 9, 11, and 13. She is Executive Sponsor for the Cisco Women’s Advisory Board. She is also Chairperson of the Board for Big Brothers Big Sisters N.J. and involved in other non-profits.

Whew! That’s a high energy gal!

So here is what happened to this GUTSY WOMAN. There was a restructuring at work and Brenda decided to take this adversity and redefine it. You know, the lemons into margaritas thing.

During the restructure, her job was eliminated. Poof and gone; couldn’t even re-interview for it. She was a gal without a country; or at least without a job description.

She took a few days to mourn the change. There was nothing she could do about it and it did not seem fair. It was like going through the stages of grief. She experienced sadness, anger, and eventually made peace with the fact that “it is what it is”.

That was when she took control of what she could. She put on her smiley face and began to network with everyone. “No” she said to herself, she would NOT leave this company.

Brenda got this amazing job as senior director of strategy and planning at Cisco, the company she loves. She also learned from turning adversity on its head that ‘it can’t be done alone; you need to find your place in your community”.

Now Brenda is a mentor for other women, asking them to be GUTSY and go after their dreams and not to give up. Ever!

When I interviewed Brenda for the PA Conference for Women several weeks ago, she was to be on a panel about “words of wisdom”; a great place for her to be a role model for other women who have to face the fear and do it anyway.

Brenda’s story is an example of taking that adversity, adding some grit (we all have inside us if we just get quiet and get listening) and viola, resilience shows up.

And here is the take away, the goody for reading this: she asked for help. It was, she sighed, difficult at first since strong females on the superwoman track want to do it alone. Nope, not true! And when she asked for help she found out how many heard the call and responded.

Brenda’s best advice is to reach out and ask someone for help.

Remember, if you don’t ask, you don’t get.

Previously posted on www.examiner.com.

Now, I am not taking sides politically yet, I do want to push a point on what I think was a smart move on the part of Barack Obama last week when he appeared on The View with Michele.

There were a lot of rumblings about how he dismissed the leaders at The United Nations in favor of the less intense venue with the ladies on daytime television.

Was this Obama’s need to shine like a celebrity? Or was this perhaps a much more calculated strategic decision to speak out and then be quiet?

Obama made a powerful statement as President of the United States at the U.N. and then he gave breathing room for the thoughts and words to be absorbed.

He was criticized for going to the more superficial program rather than continue with the rhetoric of weapons and lines in the sand.

Leadership is a disciplined art form and many of our present leaders have lost the skill to say just enough and then give the time needed for it to go deeper.

Obama does not move in the “see all, tell all” world that is so prevalent today and that is one of his most important leadership skills.

Also posted on www.examiner.com.

Then “Effective Immediately” is the perfect book. In fact, it is ideal for everyone who starts a new job. You see, the rules change at work. School days, when being a kid is legitimate, no longer work for you at work.

Emily Bennington was lucky. She had a mentor right out of the starting gate. Her seasoned manager, Skip Lineberg took her under his wing soon after she started her first post college job. In fact, she watched as he mentored all his direct reports.

“He never asked us to do anything he would not do. I remember seeing him in the kitchen of our office washing dishes”, said Emily when she described to me how she learned from Skip about leadership in action.

“He never lost his cool. When we were disagreeing with each other he would get us together and talk about how to make situations better rather than what everyone was doing wrong.”

Emily began to keep a notebook of all the things she was learning from Skip and seven years later they had put all the lessons together in the book that is well received in colleges and offices across the country.

“I learned to be strategic, to find the words and images that I would keep in my mind so that when I would talk to others I was strategic about my personal branding. And since I was lucky to be guided by a true leader I want to take what I learned and pass it forward.”

Emily shared in our interview that she was that latch-key kid who found early female role models in magazines. Not the gorgeous models, although they were fun to look at. She would research to find out about the female executives who ran the magazines. They represented female power and she learned from observing how they created their lives.

Her goal in speaking and writing is to empower other young females who are transitioning from college to career or women who are entering executive roles.

Her ideas are stellar, her writing style bouncy and bright, and her message clear and compassionate.

Emily recommends using magazines (she has come full circle here) to create a vision board. Cut out words and images that resonate with you and she promises you will find the best ways to make yourself known and be remembered in a positive way.

Emily, a mentor for today’s women.

Emily will be moderating a workshop on October 2nd in Philadelphia at the Pennsylvania Conference for Women.

The October 2nd event is filled with workshops on career advancement, personal development, and reinvention. Keynote speakers include Barbara Bradley Baekgaard, Charlotte Beers, Arianna Huffington, Tory Johnson, Sonia Sanchez, and Cheryl Strayed.

To register for the event, please visit the website, http://www.paconferenceforwomen.org/conference/

Also posted on www.examiner.com.

Once they had the pattern figured out, they began to lead the entire team to the Promised Land. Yet, somewhere around the seventh or eighth participant, the buzzer clearly said they were not getting it right.

What could have gone wrong?

Time was passing and it looked like no team would win. And then two smart cookies said, “Hey maybe there is a new pattern. Let’s give it a shot”.

After many loud game-buzzer sounds, a new pattern was formed and the team was escorted over the line of success.

What happened?

THE GAME HAD CHANGED.

Two-thirds through, the floor pattern changed and success would only come when the new code was learned.

Here is what the reactions were:

• Some thought it was a great learning. Hey, it’s like business, it’s like life. The game changes and it is either adapt or die.
• Others were mad, mad at each other, mad at the person who created the damn game with the less than perfect ending.
• One woman, furious, stood up and screamed at the facilitators saying they had a nerve throwing such a low curve. She stood up, waited a few seconds and then stormed out of the room. The door she banged shut reverberated.

Anyone want to guess how long it was for her to get promoted, if ever?

Originally posted on www.examiner.com